Looking ahead and looking back

Many years ago (it was over 20 years ago, I realize), I bought a beautiful handmade calendar journal in a market town outside of Mexico City.  I bought it on a trip, when we were traveling to Mexico after visiting my mom in Texas.  She needed respite caregiving over the holidays for a decade, and I'm sadly now realizing that this would have fit in the middle of that time.

Sorting things out on my studio desk (which was our old kitchen table), I caught sight of that journal today, in the current jumble that's part of the familiar pattern of getting ready to leave traveling, even if this time, it's to our own place in Quebec.  Normally, my desk is fairly tidy.

I had used this journal twice, once for notes during an amazing week-long workshop with Angeles Arrien, in the high Arizona desert.  She was a brilliant teacher.  The second time was when she actually came to our workplace in the following year,  through the visionary leader we had at the time.

The workshop was twenty years ago, I'm realizing, looking at the dates.  Every page is filled with wisdom quotes.

Perhaps this note is pertinent on New Year's Eve:

Where is the fog? In my life?
Keep your goals firmly in mind.

Angeles had so many wiser messages:  a mid-life task, she said, was to reclaim and transform the authentic self.  Will I re-choose life or do I choose to give life up?  Hmm.

And finally, another snippet:  is my self-worth stronger than my self-critic?  Below, the note was "developing resilience and flexibility."

Finally,

"I have to let go of my editorial nature to get the right size container.  How do I prepare for the act of creativity?   ...a lot of our creativity happens in the daydreams, she said."